Flash. Back. Track.

June 22, 2008 Taranaki Environment Center. New Plymouth. New Zealand

In order to learn a community, it would take a lifetime to understand its complexities; but it doesn't mean I'm not going to try. How do you bridge the gap between intellectuals and those who just want to make a living?

Everyone has their place in society. In the world there are too many misunderstandings. And I want to help bridge some of those misunderstandings.

When I was with the Malaysians, they saw me as someone special, a unique resource. I noticed that everyone looked at me with a funny eye: many people, even travelers, have never seen an Asian American before. Someone at Central Oasis backpackers recognized me from 8 months before, because I was an Asian who spoke perfect English.

Now what use would all these open minded people in the States be, if they don't go out and spread the knowledge, or bridge gaps between people in remote places? It's like Jim O'Bourgman saying he wants to teach wwoofers because then they go out and spread the knowledge. People like Jim are stuck to the land.

Thing is, once you become part of the intellectual community and lifestyle, it is almost impossible to come out, so this knowledge never gets transmitted to the people who really need it. A bit like money, once you have it, it's very hard to distribute that money and go back to living poor. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and the money that the rich get never trickle down to the poor.

Lucky for me, I have MIT on my side. MIT is like an American passport. I can go anywhere. Even if I go to the dumps, I can always return. If I had a North Korean passport, I'm sure I would have gone through many security restrictions, and have to prove myself much more. Let's just hope this gets me far enough in the world

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June 23, 2008 Taranaki Environment Center

I am feeling much better today. A few day's time always helps. Although there were times today when I was absolutely bored, and didn't know what to do with myself, (i wanted to sleep but didn't want to be anti-social because I'm here to talk to people and learn as much as I can), I'm discovering more purpose in being here. It's really nice that I can be by myself, in my own world, have the time to myself, not having to worry about where I'm going tomorrow, whether I have a bed to sleep in , and getting low on money. Sometimes you just need that time to stop and reflect, give myself that time and space to just breathe.

Outside was thundering and lightning, how grateful I am to be inside, with a roof over my head, with no grave danger. Remember that bike guy at Cornell who got hit by a drunk driver in Arizona? it's a big, scary, dangerous world out there. And right now things are ok; I'm in a safe place.

Sometimes I'm afraid, knowing that I'm alone. I know people back home think of me. But they lead such busy lives, and I feel so forgotten, because I was almost like the runaway child. I know I'm not, but it still feels that way. I'm carrying this backpack with everything. I haven't changed clothes in the past two weeks because it's too cold to take off, wash, and wait to dry.

And yet, I don't know what keeps me going.

Maybe it's that spark of light I have inside, that never ending flame inside, resistant to blow out, that little flame that shouts 'I can do it!' It's a small flame so overwhelmed by my insecurities, emotions, and lack of sureness in speech. People put me down, situations throw me down, another few punches in the face, but I know something is inside, something that maybe people can't appreciate. I am just going to keep trekking, not going to let anyone or anything overcome me, because this is my calling, this is my path.

I hear an echo in my ears: 'what are you doing? that's useless!' i bet that's what artists hear all the time. but they just follow their hearts, because there's something there that hints a faith, a passion that makes you feel like a completely different person, in a different world, a comforting one, that speaks to you in a special way. Watching my professor Junot Diaz's talk:

'If your book doesn't do well with the literary community, it doesn't mean much, because it just means you fit a profile of what critics need right now. I write for the readers, the people who just love to read; they are much more unincumbered, free, because they don't have any considerations. It's not that I'm against academia, but if you work for the intellectual community, there is so much at stake: tenure, relationship with professor, critical climate, publications...'