The World of Hokey Pokey

For most of you, Hokey Pokey is a dance that you learned before you
knew the alphabet and a dance that you are embarrassed to still know.
For most Kiwis, Hokey Pokey is the only true New Zealand invention: an
ice cream flavor. Well, soon after followed an infamous edible line of
Hokey Pokey products: cookies, cakes, candies, and all things
wonderfully crisp and sweet.

At Koanui Backpackers in Blenheim, Hokey Pokey is not simply that; it
is an obsession, a world of utopia, a name that conjures hours of
conversation. It is a superhero, an inspiration, a savior.

When there seems to be no way out of the forest, Hokey Pokey comes to
the rescue. See this: Andre, Stuart, Nancy and I tramping hours…and
hours….and hours through the mountains, then reaching a sudden dead
end in the trail. Behind is the deep, dark, mossy forest. In front is
a devastated logging area with the sun relentlessly firing scorching
rays. Where are we on the map? What are we to do? Tonight, stuck in
the dense dark forest…cold, wet, starving. Sick images running through
our heads…

Then a voice emerges, whispering 'Hokey Pokey…Hokey Pokey!' That
delicious, light, fresh, crispy taste tingles our tastebuds. That
creamy subtle caramel flavor melting down the tongue, then biting
down, the hokey pokey bits crunch through, dissolving into a sweet
trickle to finish the taste. Our eyes perk up; our steps become
lighter, quicker; and somehow, we find our way down to the main road
as the sun sets.

And when life is hard and mind numbingly boring, Hokey Pokey keeps us
alive. Some days at the vineyard bake like an oven. Some days pass by
unbearably slow. And still others combine the above to drain every
lingering strain of energy. Doing the same thing over…and over…and
over again; Monotony overcomes your mind, causing repetitive thoughts
syndrome: 'Hokey Pokey, Hokey Pokey; Bloody hell, I could really use
some Hokey Pokey Ice Cream. Hokey Pokey, Hokey Pokey, Bloody hell…'

And when arguments turn into bets, Hokey Pokey is the shining trophy.
'Dare you to eat a spoonful of wasabi without water!' Now any normal,
sane homo sapien with a brain would say 'No' to such a silly dare. But
when Hokey Pokey enters the picture, all logical reasoning is clouded.
And hence, the original 'No' becomes 'I'll do it if you will give me a
bag of Hokey Pokey Cookies'. Even the most absurd arguments such as
"'Bet you the next new person at the hostel will be
German!''Definitely Japanese!' 'Dumbass, you KNOW he will be Canadian"
will balloon into a battle where a 2 L tub of Hokey Pokey is the
hostage.

And finally, there is the battle within thyself. To you, eating
contests are about the fastest eaters. But with a 2 L tub of Hokey
Pokey ice cream, it is about how long your tub can last. Poor: <2
hours; Fair: 2-4 hours; Good: 6 hours; EXCEPTIONAL: >10 hours. How
could you though? It's here. It's yours. You bought it. You love it.
You know you love it. You don't have to resist the urge. Really, you
don't.

You and me
and Hokey Pokey
we were meant to be. ☺ ☺ ☺